Awful Jokes

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Postby elko » Fri Jan 28, 2005 10:52 pm

Nice one.

I really have no jokes.
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Postby elko » Sat Jan 29, 2005 1:27 am

Old 'un but a good 'un.

I don't really have any jokes as such, but honestly, Scottish people are nutters, <a href='http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=317&item=5951626613&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW' target='_blank'>HERE IS PROOF</a>.
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Postby girl_afraid » Sat Jan 29, 2005 5:12 pm

OK. That is the best 'joke' I have seen/heard/anything for a long time! People are so strange... And 42GG??? Bloody hell.
<a href='http://www.livejournal.com/users/fishnet_monkey/' target='_blank'>-click-</a>

I decree today that life is simply taking and not giving
England is mine, it owes me a living
But ask me why and I'll spit in your eye
Oh, ask me why and I'll spit in your eye
But we cannot cling to the old dreams anymore
No, we cannot cling to those dreams
Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body?
I dunno...
Under the iron bridge we kissed
And although I ended up with sore lips
It just wasn't like the old days anymore
No, it wasn't like those days
Am I still ill...?
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Postby rubygirl » Mon Jan 31, 2005 7:31 pm

Couldn't think of a joke but wanted you to see this one...

Image[/IMG]
Image
Color me red when I'm feeling blue.
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Postby rubygirl » Mon Jan 31, 2005 9:08 pm

I don't really know - I just got a few pix like this from my cousin.
Here's onother one:
Image[/IMG]
Image
Color me red when I'm feeling blue.
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Postby rubygirl » Mon Jan 31, 2005 10:44 pm

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I keep thinking he'll be found out. That his luck must fail him soon.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Please, God, Let it be so...
I first saw this picture before the elections, when I thought that they'll get rid of him for sure - and then it was funny. Right now I am getting totally pissed off at any mention of the sucker! People in Bulgaria hate him very much in general.
<!--emo&:angry:-->Image<!--endemo-->
Image
Color me red when I'm feeling blue.
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Postby reclamation » Tue Feb 01, 2005 3:05 am

<!--QuoteBegin-Noonan McKane+Jan 31 2005, 09:22 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Noonan McKane @ Jan 31 2005, 09:22 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Excellent. That one's probably as funny, but not as funny, if you dig me.

More sort of discouraging and depressing. I'm becoming more and more of the opinion that President Bush requires absolutely NO satirizing, as he is kind of 'self-contained' in that respect.

I keep thinking he'll be found out. That his luck must fail him soon.

Not yet.
People think I'm mental, I get so overwrought over this. "You live in Britain," they reason, "How can an inept US President affect you?"

Oh dear. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Point the first; yes I agree he doesn't need satirising as he is perfectly capable of making himself look foolish without the help of satire.
Point the second; though we live in the UK, our Prime Idiot, I mean, Minister, is his lapdog, so we are fucked as long as he is in power in the US. The end.
[size=1]Slytherin pride/size]
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Postby rubygirl » Wed Feb 02, 2005 4:24 pm

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Where in Bulgaria do you live, Rubygirl? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

I live in the capital city - Sofia - right now; it's 60 km away from the border with Serbia. But I'm originally from the Southern part of the country (a city named Haskovo), so I hate the climate here <!--emo&:(-->Image<!--endemo-->
Image
Color me red when I'm feeling blue.
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Postby rubygirl » Fri Feb 04, 2005 11:44 pm

I just love these:

<span style='color:red'><span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Arial'>Music Business Lies </span></span></span>

<span style='color:blue'><span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Arial'><span style='color:red'><span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Times'>The booking is definite

Your check's in the mail

We can fix it in the mix

This is the best dope you've ever had

Your tickets are at the door

It sounds in tune to me

Sure, it sounds fine at the back of the hall

I know your mic is on I checked it myself

The roadie took care of it

She'll be backstage after the show

Yes, the spotlight was on you during your solo

The stage mix sounds just like the program mix

I really love the band

We'll have it ready by tonight

If it breaks, we'll fix it for free

The place was packed

We'll have you back next week

Don't worry, you'll be the headliner

It's on the truck

My last band had a record deal, but we broke up before recording the album

Someone will be there early to let you in

I've only been playing for a year

I've been playing for 20 years

We'll have flyers printed tomorrow

I'm with the band

The band drinks are free

You'll get your cut tonight

We'll supply someone for the door

You'll have no problem fitting that bass cabinet in the boot of your car

There'll be lots of roadies when you get there

It's totally compatible with your current program

You'll have plenty of time for a soundcheck

This is one of Jimi's old Strats

We'll definitely come to the gig

You can depend on me </span></span></span></span></span></span>
Image
Color me red when I'm feeling blue.
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Postby elko » Thu Feb 17, 2005 10:59 pm

<a href='http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/6235/politic.htm' target='_blank'>http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/6235/politic.htm</a>

How I found this, I don't know. Why I laughed at the below, I have no idea - I don't even get it...


Socialist, capitalist and communist have agreed
to meet. Socialist have late.
- Sorry for a late, I was stand at the line to
the sausage.
- And what is the line? - Ask capitalist.
- And what is the sausage? - Ask communist
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Postby chicken » Fri Feb 18, 2005 12:09 am

<!--QuoteBegin-rubygirl+Jan 31 2005, 10:44 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (rubygirl @ Jan 31 2005, 10:44 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I keep thinking he'll be found out. That his luck must fail him soon.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Please, God, Let it be so...
I first saw this picture before the elections, when I thought that they'll get rid of him for sure - and then it was funny. Right now I am getting totally pissed off at any mention of the sucker! People in Bulgaria hate him very much in general.
<!--emo&:angry:-->Image<!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--emo&:(-->Image<!--endemo--> <!--emo&:(-->Image<!--endemo-->
i'm so very sorry that american idiots are in power; and if it even could help you to know, i am not alone in that sentiment here in the states.

the only realistic hope i hold on to is that us presidents tend to go more towards the mean in their second term.

my crazy hope is that our economy goes totally out of control, or that we are have no option but to endorse the kyoto treaty, or whatever it takes for americans to wake up. i would not be surpised if it took some serious terrorism--ala dirty bombs or whatever.



how many schizophrenics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


just one, they're crazy, not stupid.
Image
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Postby Noonan McKane » Fri Feb 18, 2005 12:18 am

Serious terrorism?

More serious than flying hijacked airliners into the World Trade Centre?

Nope, think that avenue's been navigated.


It seems that NOTHING will wake the right wing of US politics up to the fact that Palestine MUST be addressed properly sometime soon.

It won't be long until it doesn't matter a damn that the world's greatest polluter will not sign the Kyoto agreement.........
i shouted out 'who killed the kennedys?' when after all it was you and me
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Postby chicken » Fri Feb 18, 2005 12:30 am

<!--QuoteBegin-Noonan McKane+Feb 18 2005, 12:17 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Noonan McKane @ Feb 18 2005, 12:17 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Serious terrorism?

More serious than flying hijacked airliners into the World Trade Centre?

Nope, think that avenue's been navigated.


It seems that NOTHING will wake the right wing of US politics up to the fact that Palestine MUST be addressed properly sometime soon.

It won't be long until it doesn't matter a damn that the world's greatest polluter will not sign the Kyoto agreement......... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
attacking the trade center was symbolic; all the 9-11 attacks were symbolic. the casualties were rather small in comparision to what a dirty bomb or a bio attack could do. how about poisoning the water supply to los angeles? i think the terrorism inflicted upon america could be far, far worse.


as far as environment stuff goes: i believe that earth is a self-healing organism. the open sore of america will scab over somehow. at least that's what i pray for.
Image
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Postby Noonan McKane » Fri Feb 18, 2005 12:54 am

I suppose so.

What do you reckon to my theory about the root cause, then?

The jewel in the Clinton administration's crown, as far as foreign policy goes, would appear to be the 'Good Friday' agreement, in Ulster.

I can not recall any administration endeavouring to strike anything remotely like this in Israel.

The USA, of course, has no heavily armed, right wing allies in Northern Ireland.

In the middle east, it has at least two: Israel and Saudi Arabia.

What to do, what to do?

Do nothing. Draw the curtains.
i shouted out 'who killed the kennedys?' when after all it was you and me
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Postby chicken » Fri Feb 18, 2005 1:08 am

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->What to do, what to do?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
precisely. american foreign policy, as a whole, has been horrid for far, far, far too long.

being the sort of fellow i am, it's very hard for me to make sense of the details--i get very lost very quickly. instead, the question i ask is where did america go wrong? how long has it been since america saw a "great" president?

JFK? not in my opinion. i don't think he was great.

FDR? i think he was a great man. i know for a fact his wife revolutionized how war veterans were treated, that's pretty cool in my book.


i see all that crap american soldiers did to Iraqi prisoners and am mortified, ashamed, and mythically angry. what the hell is with that?!! then, to 'fix things' our beloved minister of love--Donald Rumsfeld (which is a code-word for the anti-christ) says: I accept full responsibility. i ask, will he ever bear any consequence? no. empty "politically correct" shit comes spilling out of his mouth as i am supposed to believe it. perhaps he believes me to be a common lamb, awaiting to be told what to do, what to believe, how to see the world. gggrrrrrr <!--emo&:angry:-->Image<!--endemo-->


as far as Israel goes, i suspect the world will never rest until that conflict is resolved. i also believe any military is not the answer, particularly american military because america just does not understand the true weight of religious influece there. afterall, the way i see it, america was founded on rebellion and self-righteousness.

gad......the FBI probably already has this and is on their way to my front door with our own terror squads. oh hell, did i just admit that?!
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