Awful Jokes

Anything you wanna say, say it!

Postby rubygirl » Fri Feb 18, 2005 6:55 pm

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->chicken Posted on Feb 18 2005, 12:08 AM
 
i'm so very sorry that american idiots are in power; and if it even could help you to know, i am not alone in that sentiment here in the states.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

I am absolutely sure of that, Chicken!
Not that I know personally any americans, but I attended the lectures of two visiting american psychologists last year (one of them being Joseph Moreno, Jacob Moreno's son) and both of them expressed very strong negativity towards Bush and his policies... And I got the feeling this wasn't only their personal point of view.
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Postby Sweet and Tender Hooligan » Sat Feb 19, 2005 6:34 pm

i see no connection to the topic name to this page btw <!--emo&:P-->Image<!--endemo--> <!--emo&:D-->Image<!--endemo-->

right i know this amazing joke - it slags bush


there are 4 people on an aeroplane thats going to explode for some reason sooner or later but only 3 parachutes, on it randomly are:

tony blair
bush
the pope
a schoolgirl

tony: " i need a parachute because i'm an important prime minister and the UK needs me ( <!--emo&:P-->Image<!--endemo--> )" so he takes one and jumps

bush: " i need a parachute because i am in control of one of the biggest countries of the world!!!" so he takes one and jumps

pope says to the schoolgirl knowing that one of them is going to die: " its ok you go i'm old i have lived a full and happy life"

schoolgirl: "its ok mr pope the presidant took my schoolbag!!!!!"

i love that one.
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Postby Noonan McKane » Sat Feb 19, 2005 10:54 pm

Nice one.

Really just came on here to offer the apology I owe to Chicken: Sorry for my belligerence; My anti-US 'tone'.

I know you're an American, Chicken, and I was just in such a bad mood when I posted my comments (regarding the WTC, US foreign policy, etc.) that I failed to consider any offence that they might cause you.

If they did, I sincerely apologise. I've read your comments, posted since, which seem to be pretty much in concurrence with what I said, but that's not the point.

Fact is, you're a new member here, and I should have been making you welcome, and by striking the note which I did, I obviously did not.

Like I say, this was never my intention. You're very welcome. I hope you understand and can accept this apology.
i shouted out 'who killed the kennedys?' when after all it was you and me
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Postby chicken » Sat Feb 19, 2005 11:08 pm

noonan, no offense taken, thank you very much though. i'll let you know if i take offense...plus i also generally believe that we are all allowed a rant or two <!--emo&:D-->Image<!--endemo-->


a man dreams he is a chicken. he finds himself in a pen with other chickens. almost immediately, he begins to feel pressure build up in his bung. the big rooster walks over: "hello, new chicken. do you like it here?"

the man replies: "well yes i do!! but i have this awful pressure on my bung and don't know what to do about it."

"that just means you're ready to lay an egg!! just push really hard, that's all you have to do."

so the man pushes with all his might and behold: plop!! out comes a perfect egg. the man is really happy with that and tries again......sure enough, another egg comes out.

then he wakes to the voice of his wife: "good god, harold!! wake up, you're shitting all over the bed!!" <!--emo&:blink:-->Image<!--endemo-->
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Postby Noonan McKane » Sat Feb 19, 2005 11:17 pm

That's no joke, that's an extract from my diary!
i shouted out 'who killed the kennedys?' when after all it was you and me
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Postby Miserable Liar » Sun Feb 27, 2005 10:56 pm

<!--QuoteBegin-Sweet and Tender Hooligan+Feb 19 2005, 06:33 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Sweet and Tender Hooligan @ Feb 19 2005, 06:33 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> i see no connection to the topic name to this page btw <!--emo&:P-->Image<!--endemo--> <!--emo&:D-->Image<!--endemo-->

right i know this amazing joke - it slags bush


there are 4 people on an aeroplane thats going to explode for some reason sooner or later but only 3 parachutes, on it randomly are:

tony blair
bush
the pope
a schoolgirl

tony: " i need a parachute because i'm an important prime minister and the UK needs me ( <!--emo&:P-->Image<!--endemo--> )" so he takes one and jumps

bush: " i need a parachute because i am in control of one of the biggest countries of the world!!!" so he takes one and jumps

pope says to the schoolgirl knowing that one of them is going to die: " its ok you go i'm old i have lived a full and happy life"

schoolgirl: "its ok mr pope the presidant took my schoolbag!!!!!"

i love that one. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I don't get it <!--emo&:(-->Image<!--endemo-->
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Postby rubygirl » Wed Mar 02, 2005 7:15 pm

<!--QuoteBegin-miserableliar+Feb 27 2005, 10:55 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (miserableliar @ Feb 27 2005, 10:55 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><!--QuoteBegin-Sweet and Tender Hooligan+Feb 19 2005, 06:33 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Sweet and Tender Hooligan @ Feb 19 2005, 06:33 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> i see no connection to the topic name to this page btw  <!--emo&:P-->Image<!--endemo-->  <!--emo&:D-->Image<!--endemo-->

right i know this amazing joke - it slags bush


there are 4 people on an aeroplane thats going to explode for some reason sooner or later but only 3 parachutes, on it randomly are:

tony blair
bush
the pope
a schoolgirl

tony: " i need a parachute because i'm an important prime minister and the UK needs me (  <!--emo&:P-->Image<!--endemo-->  )" so he takes one and jumps

bush: " i need a parachute because i am in control of one of the biggest countries of the world!!!" so he takes one and jumps

pope says to the schoolgirl knowing that one of them is going to die: " its ok you go i'm old i have lived a full and happy life"

schoolgirl: "its ok mr pope the presidant took my schoolbag!!!!!" 

i love that one. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I don't get it <!--emo&:(-->Image<!--endemo--><!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I think the idea is that GWBush is so stupid that he can't tell the difference between a parachute and a schoolbag.
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Postby Miserable Liar » Wed Mar 02, 2005 8:04 pm

Cheers but i get it now, whats with the drummer jokes elko? hehe
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Postby Sweet and Tender Hooligan » Wed Mar 02, 2005 9:54 pm

i still find it hilarious you didnt get my joke sorry matt <!--emo&:P-->Image<!--endemo-->
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Postby Miserable Liar » Thu Mar 03, 2005 4:01 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"But that joke isn't funny anymore"


!
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Postby Sweet and Tender Hooligan » Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:51 pm

was it to close to home and to near yer bones <!--emo&:P-->Image<!--endemo-->
I'm spellbound, but a woman divides
And the hills are alive with celibate cries
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Postby chicken » Fri Mar 04, 2005 1:08 am

two stupid chickens:

#1 yells to #2: how'd you get to the other side?
#2 yells to #1: you ARE on the other side!!
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Postby girl_afraid » Fri Mar 04, 2005 7:37 pm

There are two muffins in an oven, and one turns to the other and says "Blimey, it's getting hot in here!", and the other says "Oh my God, a talking muffin!"

Awful, isn't it?
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I decree today that life is simply taking and not giving
England is mine, it owes me a living
But ask me why and I'll spit in your eye
Oh, ask me why and I'll spit in your eye
But we cannot cling to the old dreams anymore
No, we cannot cling to those dreams
Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body?
I dunno...
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And although I ended up with sore lips
It just wasn't like the old days anymore
No, it wasn't like those days
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Postby Sweet and Tender Hooligan » Fri Mar 04, 2005 8:41 pm

indeed <!--emo&:P-->Image<!--endemo--> thats what jokes are about though right?
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Postby chicken » Sat Mar 05, 2005 12:56 am

<!--QuoteBegin-girl_afraid+Mar 4 2005, 07:37 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (girl_afraid @ Mar 4 2005, 07:37 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> There are two muffins in an oven, and one turns to the other and says "Blimey, it's getting hot in here!", and the other says "Oh my God, a talking muffin!"

Awful, isn't it? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
oh dear, that one got a deep guffaw outta me. classic, i'll have to tell that one to my students come monday!! thx fer the laff.
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